So much has happened in the past year. I don't even know where to properly begin, really.

First off, I am officially separtated from Brad, and have been for the past eight months. The children are unfortunately split between us, living half of the time with myself and the other half with Brad and his mother. Lexy and Tristan don't understand what exactly is going on, but I'm hoping to be able to explain it to Lexy soon. She's nearly four now, not exactly old enough to understand why her mommy and daddy don't live together, but old enough to be told. Tristan is still so young, it would be pointless to try and explain to him.

I'm living on my own again, after being stuck at my parent's home for many months. I had to live with them for a long time, because I was having to pay for a lawyer, and was undergoing visitations from CPS, due to Brad's mother filing charges with their offices. All of the alleged accusations on their parts were found to be false, and they were fined for making false charges, which sprouted up another court battle. In the end, the court liason worked with both sides, and we reached a custody agreement. It's one that neither of us are happy about or satisfied with, but one that has to work. I get the kids this Christmas, he gets them next year.

I haven't been able to get online in well over a year, and am now finally able to sit down and say, "I can allow myself some time to rest". It's been over a year since I've felt I deserve a rest, and now that my life is back in order, I'm glad to be able to say that.

Tags: brad, i'm back, lexy, real life, tristan
location: bedroom
feeling: hopeful
hearing: Our Time Now - Plain White T's

Things have been entirely too busy. Midterms at school, overtime at my internship, and a shitload of things at home. Lexy has a bug that has her throwing up, and Tristan is cutting more teeth. I think I might be coming down with something, but it doesn't matter since I'll still have to get up and keep going each day.

I think that next summer, I need a long vacation to some tropical island. I deserve it!

feeling: busy

I don't ever want anyone to think that I'm unhappy with my life. Especially those who don't even take the time to get to know me. Yes, I am twenty years old (although I turn 21 in December). I am engaged younger than I probably should be, and have two children. I had my first baby as a teenager, and she'll be turning three in a few months. I'm dissapointed in the choices I made when I was younger, but I never regret them. Lexy and Tristan are the best things to ever happen to me, and I would never trade them. Yes, I am a statistic. A teenaged, unwed mother. But that does not give people the right to lecture me and tell me that I would have been happier if I had done this or that.

I'm happy to be this young and have already achieved so much out of life. I'm about to graduate from college and I have a secure job waiting for me if I stick with my advertising major. I have two children who I love and who love me, and I'm able to take care of them without getting financial assistance from the government. The father of both of my children is still with me, and I'm very much in love with him. We're going to get married in a year or two when we've saved up enough money.

I go to sleep every night thanking God for being so generous to me, for giving me such a life. So why do people find it in their hearts to say that I'm an awful person for being so young and having the things I want?

feeling: aggravated

I wish the weekend wasn't over just yet. It was so relaxing and there was actually not one single thing we had to do, which was a nice change. Brad and I just took the kids out to the park and then to dinner on Saturday, which ended with Tristan causing a disaster. He's at the phase where he likes to rip things off of the table. It happened about four times while we were eating, and I was so embarassed. But the staff didn't seem to mind, and said it was their fault since they kept setting things close to him. I still felt awful and left our waitress a $15 tip. I'm not sure if that's a lot or not to most people, but for my family, its more than we usually do.

Sunday we took the kids to Galveston to go along The Strand and just play on the beach. The last time we went, in August, Tristan didn't have much fun. I think it was because it was so hot outside. This time, he had a ball. Lexy always has fun at the beach, because she got to get her plastic seagull on a string (she has almost 20 of them now, I think) and got to eat at her favorite restaurant.

It was an expensive weekend, but a relaxing one. I wasn't ready to get out of bed and get to classes this morning, and neither were the kids. But they seemed to have fun at daycare today, so they don't have any complaints.

feeling: sleepy

I managed to talk Brad out of going to see the damned Jackass movie with his friends and convinced him to stay home. We sat down with Alexia and watched a movie she picked out. He didn't enjoy the movie, but liked the pizza we made. We got the kids off to bed and I wanted to spend some alone time together, but he decided that getting a shower and going to bed was a better idea. So now I'm up all alone, with a leftover glass of wine and the internet. I would normally make fun of someone who sits up late on a Friday night, on the computer with a glass of wine; but I'm actually enjoying myself. Its nice to have some "me time".

feeling: relaxed

My guy has his friends over, and they're currently having a very heated debate about the originality of Jackass Part Two. I'm completely entertained by this, as they don't seem to realize that the concept of Jackass wasn't very original in itself. The show actually originated because Johnny Knoxville and Steve-O were copying stunts shown on an extreme sports show that was already shown on MTV in the early to mid nineties. They submitted the videos to MTV, and Jackass was born.

After the first season, the stunts on Jackass weren't all that "original" anyways. The first movie was entertaining, but not original. The second movie will be just as entertaining and just as unoriginal. Its Jackass, for God's sake. A show and movie about a group of men making asses out of themselves by doing stupid stunts most normal people (read: anyone who hasn't smoke or drank themselves retarded) would never think about attempting.

I love the show as much as the next bored person looking for a laugh, but I'm really sick of hearing all over the radio and from my own circle of friends how "unoriginal" Jackass Part Two is. Who fucking cares, honestly? It's Jackass, enough said.

feeling: amused

I don't understand what's so hard about following three instructions that are clearly written down for you. Only three. Three very simple directions.

I left Brad in charge of the kids tonight, which is a huge deal for him. He normally always just has his mother do the job for him when I go out. His mother was busy tonight, so he was left in charge. I wasn't very worried about it, since they're his kids as well and he wouldn't want to kill them. But I still jotted down a list of things for him to make sure to do. The list was exactly the following:

1. Lexy will only eat her dinner if you put her on the floor in front of the tv. I don't want her thinking this is okay so please make sure to put her in her high chair and strap her into it. You can turn on Blue's Clues or Sesame Street on the living room tv, and put her at the head of the table so she can see it. I just want her to sit at the table and not try to pitch a fit to eat on the floor.

2. Tristan can't eat the stage three jars of baby food your mom picked up for us. DO NOT FEED THEM TO HIM YET. He can't digest them properly. Feed him one jar of stage two and then give him a bottle. He should go to bed shortly after. But don't forget to give him a bath.

3. Lexy needs to be in bed by eight. Take the remote away so she won't turn on her tv. She's figured out how to work the remote. Tristan needs to be in bed by seven.


I leave, with perfect confidence that the guy can do those three simple things for our kids. I come home at around 9:30, and walk in the door to find my man and the kids all still up. Lexy isn't even in her pajamas and neither kids have had a bath. They had actually just then gotten done eating dinner. In the living room. After having to take care of the items on the list myself and getting the kids off to bed, I now have to do the dishes and clean up the messes they made. Sometimes, I wonder why I'm so ready to rush into marriage.

feeling: pissed off

( cut for roleplaying ranting. don't read if you like interesting posts. )

feeling: frustrated

These are just some notes for a writing challenge that I'll be doing over at album_mix. If you're interested in fanfics, then feel free to look if you'd like and give some suggestions. :3

( 11 tracks to write to. )

feeling: creative

So the weekend with the parental units went as expected. We ate out every meal since they didn't want to "eat me out of house and home", they took me shopping for more things than I possibly needed, and we went to the zoo. Well, the zoo part wasn't expected, but it was nice. The weather here is finally getting a bit more mild.

I think I need to cut down on my hours at work, though. I'm in the office more than I'm at school, which isn't a good thing if I want to graduate by the time I get married.

feeling: lethargic